Two Minute Review: Splintered by A.G. Howard

Thursday, October 11, 2012
Title: Splintered
Author: A.G. Howard
Genre: young-adult, supernatural, retelling
Series: N/A
Pages: 384 (Nook ARC edition)
Published: expected January 1 2013
Source: publishers via NetGalley
Rating: 2/5


Alyssa Gardner hears the whispers of bugs and flowers—precisely the affliction that landed her mother in a mental hospital years before. This family curse stretches back to her ancestor Alice Liddell, the real-life inspiration for Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. Alyssa might be crazy, but she manages to keep it together. For now.

When her mother’s mental health takes a turn for the worse, Alyssa learns that what she thought was fiction is based in terrifying reality. The real Wonderland is a place far darker and more twisted than Lewis Carroll ever let on.

There, Alyssa must pass a series of tests, including draining an ocean of Alice’s tears, waking the slumbering tea party, and subduing a vicious bandersnatch, to fix Alice’s mistakes and save her family. She must also decide whom to trust: Jeb, her gorgeous best friend and secret crush, or the sexy but suspicious Morpheus, her guide through Wonderland, who may have dark motives of his own.

There are a number of things about Splintered that work very well - the concept retelling of Alice in Wonderland in a darker, much creepier version of the fantasy land, the lovely writing itself - but the things that didn't (the characters, oi, the characters!, and the first-person present tense used) ended up spoiling the rest of the novel for me personally. A.G. Howard is a new author that has promise, but this debut novel just didn't pan out for me during its nearly 400-page length. I will be interested to see where she goes following this, and will still probably attempt her next novel despite my less than enthusiastic reaction for this one.

From page 25, when obvious love interest and character Jeb is introduced to the plot, I started to have problems. I took issue with his personality and his proprietary and controlling interest in main character Alyssa's life. I Did Not Like: his pushy and possessive attitude, as well as what he does throughout the two's journey into Wonderland (his taken status against with his actions towards Alyssa). I can take a lot of bad if I like/care about the characters, but between Jeb's boorish presentation and Alyssa's often immature attitudes (and not to mention shady Morpheus's angle), I couldn't muster up enough energy to care about what happened to any of them. Alyssa's thoughts and reactions are all over the place - I just couldn't get a line on who she was, even 300 pages in. Jeb never grows from his initial appearance, and Morpheus... is an obvious creep.

Aside from some admittedly skilled writing, and some truly creative/creepy (creapy?) interpretations of Wonderland staples - the Rabid White, the zombified flowers - I wasn't ever engaged in the story being told. The reinvented ideas of Wonderland are interesting and fun, but they are nowhere near substantive enough to make me rate this any higher than a 2/5.  I ended this underwhelmed, frustrated with a totally unnecessary love-triangle among one-dimensional and irritating characters, and disappointed that this highly-anticipated novel was such a letdown. I think I will be in the minority with my less than favorable opinion on Splintered, but if I can't connect to the characters, and though I can definitely appreciate the technical merits of the story, it's a miss for me.

Short story even shorter: brilliant concept, stuttered execution, poor character development. No, thank you.

Review: Etiquette for the End of the World by Jeanne Martinet

Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Title: Etiquette for the End of the World
Author: Jeanne Martinet
Genre: general fiction, chick lit
Series: N/A
Pages: 272 (ARC edition)
Published: July 2012
Source: publishes via NetGalley
Rating: 2/5

A romantic comedy of post-millennial manners, apocalyptic career moves, and a woman's last chance to get life right...

RULE #1: DON'T PANIC—IT ONLY ATTRACTS THE SHARKS

It's not the end of the world. That's what 39-year-old Tess Eliot has to remind herself after losing her newspaper column ("Tess Knows Best") and being dumped by her boyfriend for a younger woman (a feng shui expert? Really?) Then Tess is hired to write an etiquette guide preparing readers for the Ancient Mayan doomsday of December 21, 2012, and she has to ask herself: Could the world really be coming to an end? At first, Tess fakes her way through chapters like "Boundaries in the Bunker" and "Cannibalism: Yes or No?" But after uncovering a secret plot for world destruction, she is forced to embark on a life-changing odyssey of her own—involving all-too-close encounters with touchy-feely survivalists, conspiracy theorists and one handsome guy who seems way too perfect.

Reviewed by Danielle.  


** spoiler alert ** Original Review: What the fuck did I just read?

After a couple of days:

Dear Tess Knows Best Eliot,

I’m going through a really difficult time right now. I have to write a review of Etiquette for the End of the World, but even though it was really boring, offensive, and schizophrenic, I can’t come up with anything to say! How do you even start reviewing a book that calls itself a romantic comedy, but is more All About Steve than Annie Hall? The romantic “twist” is so badly telegraphed it hardly counts, and is offensive as hell to boot! Plus, halfway through, the author completely forgot she was writing a romantic comedy and turned it into a conspiracy thriller/supernatural/travel fiction! No, I don’t know how it’s all supposed to work, either. As a famous columnist, and one time chapter header writer on an etiquette guide, can you get me out of this?

Sincerely,
Bored of Everlasting Stupid Tropes, Reading Even Very Irritatingly Exasperating Works for Enthusiastic Review, Even Veritably Enraging Romances

Dear BEST REVIEWER EVER,

When my boyfriend Matt dumped me for my feng-shui expert neighbor, I didn’t sit at home and moan. I went to the bar and ordered laundry-themed drinks from my hot, gay BFF. And when I lost my job writing this column, (sorry this won’t get published in some big-shot NYC newspaper, by the way,) I didn’t wallow in self pity. I went to the bar and ordered laundry-themed drinks from my hot, gay BFF! BEST REVIEWER EVER, what I’m saying is you need to get out of your slump. Fly to Mexico or London or the beach, even if you’re flat broke like yours truly. The change of scenery, and all the gin, will do you good.

If that still doesn’t help BEST REVIEWER EVER, we’re going to have to get drastic. First, steal mail from your 84 year old ex-boss. Then go visit some end of the world loonies and take a massively profitable writing job, even if it will embroil you in an international cult trying to bring about the apocalypse. There, BEST REVIEWER EVER, you’ll meet a smoking hot, mysterious Hollywood exec. who will sweep you off your feet in a whirlwind romance unlike any you have ever know. It’s only a shame he’s also a pathological liar who will tell you his ex-girlfriend stabbed all of his suits, when it was really the cult members, keeping you from getting out while you still can. When he stands you up on New Years, causing you to panic and reveal the detective work you’ve been doing on the side to one of the sketchiest cult members of all, don’t drown your sorrows at the bar…oh no wait, yes do that.

BEST REVIEWER EVER, now’s the part where it gets really tricky. Remember that detective work I mentioned? Well you are going to research a new idea for the end of the world. It will lead you to a librarian who will tell you she found secret plans for a nanobot that could bring down all technology as we know it. Being afraid of these plans falling into wrong hands, she won’t destroy them. She will hide them in an obscure book about beetles. The psycho you’re working for will be obsessed with beetles. His lackey, the one cutting up suits and the one you’re going to have to reveal all these plans to, will steal the book for his boss, inadvertently stealing the apocalypse plans too. I know this is a lot to take in, so pause for a stiff drink.

You may need to take time out for a side plot about your brother stealing your inheritance, I know mine did. This will probably result in baby rabies and a psychic salad-dressing obsessed aunt. You will also start having prophetic dreams about Mexico and earthquakes, just like one of the nutters at the cult. This is totally normal and not mass hysteria, but a tiny bit of the supernatural. Just to spice life up.

Anyway BEST REVIEWER EVER, don’t bother going to the police, because they think you’re nuts. Gather up Gay BFF and fly to London to meet with the cult leader in person. He’ll turn out to be even more mad scientist-y than feared, but you’ll be able to talk your way out of him killing you. You may even get gifts! Make sure to steal a vial of his nanobot solution, because you’re going to need that to prove you haven’t had too many Spin Cycles. On the way home, you’ll meet that same librarian, who’s now a stewardess, and she’ll be able to smuggle the vial through customs for you. This will leave you free to confess to Gay BFF that you’re in love with him. He’ll confess that he’s not really gay; his “boyfriend” is actually his son! (This is a very advanced maneuver, BEST REVIEWER EVER, don’t try this unless you’re sure you’re in a terrible book.) You may now advance to your HEA.

In the end, the Hollywood Exec. will show back up for you to realize he was just a rebound. The government will totally let you go incite hysteria while they quietly deal with the wacko cult leader, whose serum didn’t even work anyway. You’ll settle down to being the stepmother of not-Gay BFF’s kid, while you both make hilarious gay jokes about how could you ever think he was a queen, giiiiirlfriend? And then you’ll get a book deal out of the whole thing! If that’s not enough to break through writer’s block, BEST REVIEWER EVER, I don’t know what is. Maybe you’ll have to write a parody of something.

Now dear, I’m off to Mexico to play poker with some colorful stereotypes. There’s nothing like spending those book advances on expensive, spur-of-the-moment plane tickets!

<3

Tess "Etiquette for the End of the World" Eliot
Totally Awesome Relatable Character.
Super Not Racist/Homophobic. Pinkie Swear.

Book Tour Review: Ironskin by Tina Connolly

Monday, October 8, 2012
Title: Ironskin
Author: Tina Connolly
Genre: supernatural, retellings, steampunk
Series: Ironskin #1
Pages: 302 (ARC paperback edition)
Published: October 2 2012
Source: TLC Book Tours 
Rating: 4.25/5


Jane Eliot wears an iron mask.

It’s the only way to contain the fey curse that scars her cheek. The Great War is five years gone, but its scattered victims remain—the ironskin.

When a carefully worded listing appears for a governess to assist with a "delicate situation"—a child born during the Great War—Jane is certain the child is fey-cursed, and that she can help.

Teaching the unruly Dorie to suppress her curse is hard enough; she certainly didn’t expect to fall for the girl’s father, the enigmatic artist Edward Rochart. But her blossoming crush is stifled by her own scars, and by his parade of women. Ugly women, who enter his closed studio...and come out as beautiful as the fey.

Jane knows Rochart cannot love her, just as she knows that she must wear iron for the rest of her life. But what if neither of these things is true? Step by step Jane unlocks the secrets of her new life—and discovers just how far she will go to become whole again.

It's easily apparent from the very start of this deceptively good novel that Ironskin is a story loosely based on Charlotte Bront







Review: Lovedeath by Dan Simmons

Sunday, October 7, 2012
Title: Lovedeath
Author: Dan Simmons
Genre: horror, science fiction, short stories
Series: N/A
Pages: 354 (paperback edition)
Published: January 1994
Source: bought
Rating: 5/5

A collection of five novellas exploring the exquisite conjunction of love and death, combining literary artistry and undiluted emotional impact. Includes Entropy's Bed at Midnight, Dying in Bangkok, Sleeping with Teeth Women, Flashback, and The Great Lover.

The novella is an ideal length for dark fiction: short enough to sustain mood, long enough to develop interesting characters. This fine collection of five novellas shows off Simmons' range of styles: a literary tale of a man and his daughter on a scary mountainside; a Bram Stoker Award-winning horror tale about female vampires in Thailand; a semi-horrific Native American story about a young Sioux who undertakes various trials in order to become holy; a dark science fiction tale about a drug that has pernicious effects on society; and a harrowing, ambitious tale about the horrors of World War I.

Reviewed by April.

I picked this book up because I’d never heard of it before, and now I’m wondering why it’s so obscure.

Lovedeath is Simmons at the level of, well, Simmons. All of his work I’ve read so far (which is admittedly not much) has been at the very least excellent (if not outright mind-blowing) and this one is no exception. This is really a collection of five novellas which are centered around the themes of- you guessed it- love and death (but really nothing so simple).

A note about each piece:

Entropy’s Bed at Midnight- a father loses his son and wants to protect his daughter- but what’s the cost? Hell, just stepping out the front door can kill you. I like the way Simmons juxtaposes the memory of the past loss with the reality of the present fear of loss. It’s a simple story but told in a heartbreaking manner that has bittersweet written all over it.

Dying in Bangkok- Darker than the first tale, this is a pretty creepy look at the underbelly of pleasure and the ways in which our sexual desire can lead us astray. It’s sensual, cautionary, and a bit disturbing all at once- an excellent mix.

Sleeping with Teeth Women- A little Native American guilt, anyone? (Just kidding.) This is about a seemingly useless young man (who just wants to get laid!!) who ends up being the hope of his people. I found this one a little long winded but nebulous in a sort of funny way. The end of it will probably surprise you.

Flashback- Simmons’ nod to science fiction, this is about a drug where people can live out their memories again, at the expense of the present. I sensed a little of the cautionary in this as well, in a more realistic sense than the second of this collection. This is almost dystopian and could become reality fairly easily; it’s a plea to live life to the fullest and live in the present, something a lot of us forget to do.

The Great Lover
- I understand why this was saved for last. It’s a long novella, but twists beauty and grimness to create a tapestry that is one of the better short works of speculative fiction I’ve ever read. The paranoia, terror, and tragedy of war is intertwined with the main character’s epiphany of the meaning of life. Sounds trite, but come on- if anyone can pull off this kind of depth it’s Simmons, and he does it with flying colors.

So- read this. Even if some stories are too terrifying or gritty for your taste, you’d be hard pressed not to find something to like in this collection. And if you’re a Dan Simmons fan, it’s a must read.

Highly recommended.

Blog Watch Friday

Friday, October 5, 2012
Apologies for the late post - another insane week of 12+ hour days at the job, plus boyfriend, plus family, plus physical therapy (sigh), leaves me little time for reading, much less reviewing, much less seeking out awesome links to share. But! I did find some, so stay tuned!

Reviews Posted:







Fun Stuff:



The Top Ten Most Challenged Books of 2012. I haven't read nearly enough of these. Plus: infographic!

And along with that, famous author's responses to their books being banned. My favorite: Harper Lee. Ziiing!

And 15 movies based on banned books. I am happy to say I have seen most of them, and plan to see the others I yet haven't.




A pretty thorough and very helpful list of expected YA released for Winter.  So so many books in there that I am dying to read!

Rowling is "done" with Harry Potter, but leaves the door open for further books set in his world. This makes me so excited! I am good with Harry himself being put to bed, but I hope a Marauders novel comes out one day. 

10 NSFW lines from The Casual Vacancy. I am really excited to get to this -- if I ever find the time to tackle it.

Rebel Wilson and Ellen do Salt-n-Pepa. I love Ellen and this is pretty entertaining.

How your Facebook 'likes' and tweets could get you prosecuted.  The "Cybercrime" Law is scary and has been called worse than SOPA and PIPA. 


Review + GIVEAWAY for Jane The Woman Who Loved Tarzan by Robin Maxwell

Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Title: Jane, The Woman Who Loved Tarzan
Author: Robin Maxwell
Genre: historical fiction, retellings
Series: N/A
Pages: 320 (paperback edition)
Published: September 20122
Source: Passages to the Past Book Tours for review
Rating: 4/5


Cambridge, England: 1905. Jane Porter is hardly a typical woman of her time. The only female student in Cambridge University’s medical program, she is far more comfortable in a lab coat, dissecting corpses, than she is in a corset and gown, sipping afternoon tea. A budding paleoanthropologist, Jane dreams of travelling the globe in search of fossils that will prove the evolutionary theories of her scientific hero, Charles Darwin.

When dashing American explorer Ral Conrath invites Jane and her father on an expedition deep into West Africa, she can hardly believe her luck. Rising to the challenge, Jane finds an Africa that is every bit exotic and fascinating as she has always imagined. But she quickly learns that the lush jungle is full of secrets—and so is Ral Conrath. When danger strikes, Jane finds her hero, the key to humanity’s past, and an all-consuming love in one extraordinary man: Tarzan of the Apes.

Released in the centennial year for the publication of Tarzan of the Apes original publication and endorsed by Edgar Rice Burroughs' estate, Jane is an involving, detailed, engrossing, and yet, original retelling of a well-loved and widely known story.  Robin Maxwell is my first exposure to actually reading the mythos of the Tarzan world (watching the 1999 Disney animated movie clearly does not count), and her updated version, while clearly paying homage to the source material, is indelibly her own. Jane is a novel rife with adventure, credible characters, excitement, betrayals, and revelations. An engaging read from the get-go, the spotlight on protagonist and narrator Jane makes for a fast but highly enjoyable read for those all too-short 320 pages. I had planned to read Burroughs' original version, but now I wonder if that one will hold up as well in my opinion as what Maxwell has recreated here. 

As the title character and first-person narrator for the eponymous novel, Jane will either make or break this novel for readers. I, for one, unabashedly loved her. Her voice is strong and clear; I identified with and rooted for this intelligent and unique woman as she grapples with society's unforgiving attitudes, as she grows and learns about herself, Africa, and what she wants from her life. I loved Jane's strident attitudes, her analytical approach to any and all situations, her unflinching convictions and stalwart self-esteem. She's an unconventional woman for her time but not so much as to be entirely anachronistic for the era and setting the novel takes place during. She may eventually want a man, but unlike her society peers, she definitely doesn't need one. While her views and opinions can approach the unrealistic, the sincere motivations at the heart of Jane's actions ring true and keep her character from sticking out as improbable. An aspiring paleoanthropologist, the beginning flashbacks illustrate clearly how committed and devoted Jane is to her field and establish a more than credible reason for her journey to Africa and the events that transpire there. 


The growing dynamic between Tarzan and his more "civilized" mate evolves maturely and with aplomb under less than ideal circumstances. Tarzan himself is a bit romanticized (both by Burroughs and by Maxwell here) - and the romance between him and Jane does provide a lot of internal debate for the title character - but he is realistic and engaging in his distant role. His relationship with Jane is complicated and hard-won, but it is a real partnership of equals, unlike what she could have expected back in her "civilized" home country. Theirs is a true give and take - each teaches the other essential skills for living in their respective worlds. Their interactions are a bit simpler and overcome more easily than I had expected (the language barrier most noticeably) but it doesn't jar too much. Under Maxwell's able hand as storyteller, the bits and pieces of Tarzan's tragic history and life are teased out into the more action packed events evenly and keep the sentimentality on par with the action and excitement of life as The Wild Ape Man.

The vibrant setting of Africa is one of the very best aspects of the novel. The place-as-character is superb here. It's really topnotch - from the port town of Libreville to the boat trip down the Mbele Ogowe River to the Great Bower, every scene and setting pops from the page with a burst of color. As one character so aptly said to Jane early on: "You do not live in Africa, my dear. Africa lives in you." Under Robin Maxwell's pen and talent, I certainly felt like I was seeing the jungles, forests, villages myself. This is a creative author with an obvious ability to set and describe a scene; her talent for place as character is one of the more prominent things I will take away from reading Jane. I haven't read many other historical novels set on this particular continent, but upon, reluctantly, concluding this one, I can't imagine I will wait long to search out another. Maxwell touches upon so many issues of that plagued continent - colonization by European powers, the deforestation of jungles for trade routes, King Leopold of Belgium's genocide of 10 million natives - that some areas do feel slightly shortchanged, but all serve to create an even bigger, more authentic view of Africa and its problems.

 
This is a book that started out good, one that easily progressed past my initial lukewarm feelings due a bit of an infodump and into "great" territory, and one that ends with a bang (and a hint at a possibility for more down the line?!). A clear departure both from its source material and the sanitized Disney version, Jane is no wilting violet but a strong protagonist with great depth and characterization, more than able to carry the weight of the novel on her own. A great read and reinvention of one of the most beloved stories, Jane is a credit to both Edgar Rice Burroughs' original tale and to Robin Maxwell's immense individual talent. With characters crafted so well, with vibrant settings and a plot that moves at a brisk and involving pace, this is a novel retelling that will stand out and stand the test of time equally well. Highly recommended and highly enjoyable -- those on the lookout for a new era/setting in historical fiction need look no further than Jane.


(The giveaway is open for US/Canada residents!)

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Review: The Secret Keeper by Kate Morton

Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Title: The Secret Keeper
Author: Kate Morton
Genre: mystery, general fiction, historical fiction
Series: N/A
Pages: 480 (Nook ARC edition)
Published: expected October 9 2012
Source: publishers via NetGalley
Rating: 5/5 


1961 England. Laurel Nicolson is sixteen years old, dreaming alone in her childhood tree house during a family celebration at their home, Green Acres Farm. She spies a stranger coming up the long road to the farm and then observes her mother, Dorothy, speaking to him. And then she witnesses a crime.

Fifty years later, Laurel is a successful and well-regarded actress, living in London. She returns to Green Acres for Dorothy’s ninetieth birthday and finds herself overwhelmed by memories and questions she has not thought about for decades. She decides to find out the truth about the events of that summer day and lay to rest her own feelings of guilt. One photograph, of her mother and a woman Laurel has never met, called Vivian, is her first clue.

The Secret Keeper explores longings and dreams, the lengths some people go to fulfill them, and the strange consequences they sometimes have. It is a story of lovers, friends, dreamers and schemers, play-acting and deception told against a backdrop of events that changed the world.

I love this book wholeheartedly. Kate Morton rocketed to my absolute favorite author list last year on the strength of The Distant Hours and The Forgotten Garden, but this latest novel absolutely cements and guarantees her continued place there. The Secret Keeper blew my mind. Honestly, it might even rival The Distant Hours for my all-time favorite Kate Morton and mystery novel. It's just that good great; it's more of what Kate Morton does so very very well. All the time taken and careful preparations of the plot, scene, characters clearly show, and add up to make this novel a compulsive read filled with vibrant and flawed characters. I wanted to stretch out my reading experience - it's one of those few times when 480 pages seems like too little for a novel rather than a good size. For all my restraint and desire to keep this going as long as possible, I inhaled this novel in 14 hours - eight of which I was sleeping. An impressive fourth novel from a very talented author, fans and newcomers alike will eat The Secret Keeper up.

When I first started this, I was sure I was going to like it, but it didn't immediately grab me the way her first two novels had. I was curious, and intrigued where the multiple plotlines across various periods of time would eventually go, but it wasn't until about 100 pages in that I was truly gripped and aware that I was reading something truly special. The tension slowly builds as main character Laurel uncovers more and more about her mother's life before children and marriage, evoking both intensity and curiosity as her revelations show a very different woman than the mother she had known her whole life. The shifting perspectives of various characters (Laurel, her mother Dorothy, and a woman named Vivien) from 1941 to 1961 to 2011 allow for a wide view of the plot across the many eras that impact the story. The merging of the different plotlines and timeliness works so well under this author's capable hands. I did not want to put this down to eat, to sleep, or anything. It's hard to write this review because the reveal and payout are so rewarding, and I don't want go give anything - ANYTHING - away that might spoil the deft authorial sleight of hand that Morton has going. 

I had high hopes going into reading The Secret Keeper, and if anything, this book exceeded any and all expectations I had for it. Morton's obvious and immense talent for prose, for setting, and for crafting such realistic, concrete characters to operate upon the page - alive in all their wishes, hopes, pasts, flaws, and mistakes - marks her as one of the best authors I have ever had the pleasure to read. With twists and turns and huge reveals that I never predicted and never once came off as hackneyed, this is an author that continually proves she knows how to write a story, as well as a truly mystifying mystery. An impressive storyteller with talent across the board including an-all-too-rare talent for subtlety and foreshadowing, her latest novel is heavy on detail, inner observations, and contemplation, but is never slow or boring. Themes of unexpected consequences, and desire are explored with caution and care, further adding to the complicated plot of the novel. With one of the top three best endings I've ever had the surprise of reading, The Secret Keeper is thoroughly satisfying and totally unpredictable. 

Kate Morton is amazing. I am a huge fan, and I won't let too much time go before I dig into the only novel of hers I've yet to read - The House at Riverton. Her style is uniquely her own, and her ability to create such detailed, well-characterized novels truly sets her above most other authors. Nuanced, emotionally involving, original, and completely wonderful, The Secret Keeper further proves that my fangirling extreme love for Kate Morton's novels is more than founded - it's necessary. I haven't had such a strong reaction to a novel in far too long; I cared intensely about the characters, I was caught up in every timeline shown. This is an author who will be a favorite for a long, long time. I can only hope that a fifth novel is on the horizon for this immensely talented writer.
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