Live Review: Tender Wings of Desire by Colonel Sanders

Wednesday, May 10, 2017
For Mother's Day, Kentucky Fried Chicken published a romance novel.

For Mother's Day, Kentucky Fried Chicken published a romance novel.

And then I read and live-tweeted it, because I love you.
  1. Give Mom her true heart’s desire this Mother’s Day—a family meal and a romance novel featuring Colonel Sanders.
  2. Let's start with the cover. Right away, I fear mom jeans to be anachronistic to the Victorian castle. #KFCanUNot
    Let's start with the cover. Right away, I fear mom jeans to be anachronistic to the Victorian castle. #KFCanUNot
  3. How big is that bucket of chicken to be on the hill behind him and yet larger than her sensible mom purse in the foreground?
  4. There is no author and no credit to the ghostwriter, only a copywrite to YUM! Brands. I desperately want to know who wrote this. #KFCanUNot
  5. We open on our heroine, Lady Madeline Parker, lamenting her lack of embroidery skills. Of COURSE she had a poised perfect sister #KFCanUNot
  6. "Madeline was very clever, possessed a fine wit, and could ride better than most of [...] the ton." I have read this. A lot. #KFCanUNot
  7. Madeline's betrothed looks like a vanilla biscuit. I'd have gone with "mashed potatoes without even a drop of signature gravy" #KFCanUNot
  8. Tsk tsk cover artist, Maddie's hair is chocolate brown. It's like I'm the only one to *read* this #KFCanUNot
  9. The author has used "Sure, blankity blank, but blahbity blah" three times in this chapter. Vary your word choices, darlings. #KFCanUNot
  10. We have timeskipped to the day before the wedding. Maddie's brother has just advised her to runaway and join the circus. #KFCanUNot
  11. "After tying her horse to the post outside the ramshackle tavern..." That horse gone. #KFCanUNot
  12. Maddie has run away to the seaside. She now has a job as a tavern wench. Because plot. #KFCanUNot
  13. @gold_lilies Ah, I see, it's set in Kentuckyshire. Fascinating part of the east coast, was once the domain of Danish petty Burger Kings.
  14. Ah, I believe we have our Colonel, at 43% through the book! His name is Carson and he owns this bar? #KFCanUNot
  15. The bar is The Admiral's Arms. After the cover, I expected The Colonel's Arms, eh eh? #KFCanUNot
  16. oh nope Carson's not the hero. My mistake. His name is Harland and he really does have a Southern accent #KFCanUNot
  17. For someone characterized by her quick wit, Madeline has not strung three words together, #KFCanUNot
  18. Repetitive words set my teeth on edge in *good* books. This letter to her parents, yea gods. #KFCanUNot
  19. Oh good, a beta romance between the bar owner and Caoimhe, the other barmaid. Because that's what we all came for. #KFCanUNot
  20. That horse has never been mentioned again, btw. It really is gone. #KFCanUNot
  21. "I've been looking for you everywhere." "No you haven't! You haven't been in in two weeks!" [...]"That is where I was, by the way. At sea."
  22. "One night when she was 15 she had playfully discovered some secret novels" Playfully? That is not the adverb you want there. #KFCanUNot
  23. Girl, you snuck him up to your garret and told him your life story and all I get is some crappily described kissing?? #KFCanUNot
  24. "I think it is time for you to put aside your childish sailings and come back to take up the mantle of Colonel Sanders" WUT #KFCanUNot
  25. "Taking a deep breath, Madeline turned to face her lover - her lover who had lied." DUH DUH DUN! #KFCanUNot
  26. "I would burn everything to the ground if it meant you would still love me." Good god. #KFCanUNot
  27. "The waves crashed in the distance, tugging at Madeline's heartstrings like the tide." GOOD GOD #KFCanUNot
  28. @disquietus I survived. Now I can put "Reviewed Fabio and Colonel Sanders" on my resume
  29. @disquietus @erinscafe @gold_lilies The live tweet was excellent but the novella was the opposite of extra crispy.
  30. The extra crispy Colonel commercial keeps coming on and I can't stop picturing this damn book. #KFCanUNot


  1. Ok.....I'm not sure if I want to laugh or cry....
    This just sounds creepy!

  2. I am so proud that a) you read this and b) you posted the experience XD

    1. I'm proud that I didn't die. And also our visit numbers are aces. Everyone loves to see me suffer.

    2. we have the best content here at ol APR

  3. hahahahaha Wow I had been seeing covers of this but this sounds incredibly bad. Incredibly.

  4. THANK YOU for reading this so the rest of us didn't have to XD XD

    1. Any time! I have fun with the bad ones.


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